just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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