May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
