too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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