Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
