I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
