Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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