k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
