umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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