tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
