Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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