I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
