onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
