i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
