I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Never joke about your clitoris.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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