I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
