We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
