i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
