South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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