I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
