I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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