they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
