Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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