I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
