Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
