girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
