More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
