Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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