Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
