Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just forgot I was standing up.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
