I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
