you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
