if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
