Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
