he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
this hospital has no fireball
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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