Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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