I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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