I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
