Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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