i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
