like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
