the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
are you so shy because you have an std?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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