honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
