she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
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