Can i not drive my cunt home
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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