i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
