I faked an abortion last night.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
