he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
