Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
