Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
