Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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