I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
